feeling kinda weird today.. somehow just din feel like doing work, so i slacked for a gd 5 hours in front of my comp, totally doing nothing at all.. just thinking and thinking.. so i tot shld just jot them down..

i rellie miss home. not just home itself but the feeling of staying at home...maybe cos exam's round the corner, i have a sudden urge to move home for gd.. i actually miss travelling to sch everyday like i used to when i was younger.. miss the times when i could just stare blankly at nothing at all, just imagining things or sorting out my tots or even anticipating something to happen.. all these could be done during the 30 mins bus ride and i seriously kinda miss doing them..

i miss the comfort of staying at home when i dun have to do my laundry, settle meals on my own, and cleaning up my room myself.. basically i could still live like a little princess back at home where i only worry abt sleeping and waking up in time for sch and catching my fav HK serials.. almost 2.5 yrs in hall already, no tv, no aircon, gotta do laundry and sweep the floor.. i must say im kinda used to it but i obviously dun mind not doing them..

i miss also, the feeling of having pple ard all the time even tho they may not be there physically.. home is home because at the end of the day everyone comes home.. as long as im home, i know im not alone..

miss my sis, gwenda, a lot.. tho i still see her during the weekends and we will yak non stop the whole of sat nites, i can somehow feel a distance between us.. i know its inevitable as we grow up and find our paths in life but staying away from home just make things worse..

miss my dad..miss watching tv tog erm act i mean fighting over the remote control..went swimming with him last sunday and realized tt my dad's realli getting old.. a close up on the wrinkles on his face and the fact tt he lost the 25m race to me are tell-tale signs of his age.. the last i remembered my dad, he still looked like a dashing 35 yr old.. i can tell he miss me too..and im so guilt-stricken..

i even miss my mum, the last person i tot i'll ever miss.. when i first moved to hall, i really felt relieved cos she wouldn't be able to nag at me everyday, telling me wad to do all the time and questioning me abt my day, from where i go to wad i eat..tho she still occasionally nag when she see me, i kinda wish she could do it more.. at least i know someone cares abt how my day went despite the fact tt i hate to provide answers..

i think i prob feel like going home partly also because things are kinda different now.. hall feels different already.. tho most of the friends of hall 12 are still ard everyone's just not too enthusiastic abt stuff these days.. jan and guat are over at atlantis, cw kinda migrated to 59 erm yah u pple know wad i mean.. fengyi,yunting,and xiaowen are not ard anymore.. joyce got the company of jean..so its relli kinda different altho we still hangout occasionally.. in general, everyone's just busy with their own lives..

also, hmmm i just kinda wanna put some stuff behind me.. the campus brings back too much memories some of which i find too much to bear esp now when i feel like im invisible to certain pple.. the tut rms, the canteen, the library, and even walking down the road back hall remind me of how drastic things can change... these all seems like just yesterday.. i think i was happier when i was younger.. such is the effect of holding the golden key ---simply feels so old..

all said but still i think ultimately ill still stay on.. dun ask me why..