from a blurry distance..


fai's smiley makes my day =)


my fav marshmellow.. erm did i mention the bbq was meant for the production pple??.. guess we played our part as part of the audience =P


one of the few rare moments

Sins and Sinners

There’s a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner.
Of course, not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they do.
In contrast, there are those who assume more than their share of the blame.
There are others who soothe their consciences with small acts of kindness.
And by telling themselves their sins were justified.
Finally there are other ones who vowed to do better next time and pray for forgiveness.

Sometimes their prayers are answered.... But only sometimes...

this week flew past like a bird on turbo.. my term break, the first one after 3 yrs tt i did something good with.. honestly, all the term breaks in the past were spent watching tv, shopping, hanging out, movies, watsoever..anything but work..but this time round, its purely work!!!.. erm.. okie yah and a little bit of OC-ing.. its amazing how i started studying on monday and on friday, my work week ended with a spectacular 6 full hours spent on finalizing the first draft of my FYP.. tho the progress of my quiz revision is at snail pace (considering the fact tt im starting from scratch, trying to catch up with half a sem's work, im act doing alrite haha..) it feels gd tt i din waste my week away hahaaa..

yeah today was meant to be a relax day for me and fai to chill at JB (sorry dude.i know this is the second time in the week i flew the kite on u.. sorry =( ).. and come back to celebrate qing's bday..BUT.. our dear micheal li dropped a bomb on us this morning, telling us our data set 'looks weird, not conventional' and we shld do it another way. this means that the long nites we spent working on the data amounts to NOTHING at all..wad a freak!!.. and to think tt we submitted it to him like 2 weeks ago, he's got the cheek to say tt he tot we've learnt how to collect primary data.. THANKS A LOT. and the worst part is he's gg away AGAIN!!! i reli lost count of how many times he was away on some trips since the day he became our fyp tutor.. so this means tt the most crucial time, the last 2 weeks b4 submission, we are on our own!!!.. very well.. okie it doesnt reli make a diff cos we WERE pretty much on our own anyway..but still it would be better if he hangs ard rite.. and just as we think tt's all the atomic effect of the bomb, the finishing touch came.. he wants the NEW set of data and report out by today! Great! this is it.

yeah okie i have to admit this move wasnt totally bad cos it reli gave us a reason to stay back and put the stuff tog.. haven done so much work for fyp in one day (kie we are not exactly the hardworking type =P) so it actually feels quite gd =) at least its like a half a load off my chest.. yeah okie just hope he dun pull another brilliant stunt on our report this time rnd.

guess rite now i shld just take a breather and watch the OC!!! gosh.. i know im kinda slow but O.C is amazing!!!.. im soooooooooo hooked.. thx don!!!.. u're such a devil..kie love-hate r/ship again..haha and its comforting to know tt even jos is hooked.. i guess it wun be long till joyce join us.. hehe.. kie now to THE O.C ....

california here we come, right back where we started from..california...........................

when the end draws closer, i just drift further back to the start..

btw, im stressed up.


my fav heart-shaped balloons (i know, i cant tell the shape myself..)


daisy form hefen


with the little bear


the rest..


the pink tulips

i know this is gg to sound stupid but im posting this entry cos my no. 2 thinks tt i HAVEN been conscientious enough on my blog.. but ryan, my average posting rate is approximately 0.5 post per day!! alrite.. i realized my dear fren here has a habit of anticipating new posts on others' blogs when he post his (which actually falls below the rate of half a post per day... duhzz) and gets upset when he dun see them.. tt's when he will say ''wendy!!! go update ur blog!!!", sounding like i've abandoned it for mths.. and then he'll say " how come EVERYBODY dun update their blogs??", when his EVERYBODY probably means trini and i and probably a few of the others on his list(who apparantly posted stuff the day before.. ) hahaha.. there u go, this is ryan for you.. my little big teddy boy.. ahhaaa.. and if u wondering why is he my no. 2, dun try asking me cos i wonder too..hahaa.. ohhh ohh maybe cos i am HIS no.2 and so he presumably thinks tt he is my no. 2 too...cos he thinks tt there's a no.1 in front of him (who happens to be just a HIM), which of cos we are both not sure who HIM refers to.. ???? alrite this is confusing i know.. cos im half confused myself..hhaha

according to dubtub, reasons for why things shld/ must/ BETTER work out for ryan and HER:
ryan: 1) i am putting in my 101%
2) i am going out to work soon
3) i like her more and more each day
4) u are my no. 2
5) she's my no. 1

okie dude, u've made ur pt... so me being ur no. 2 actually can give u extra motivation to make sure u get ur no. 1 rite??!!!!!!! u're good!!! FINE BY ME!!! blehhhhhhhh X1000..whahaahahah.. so much for being ur no. 2 blehhhh blehhh blehhhh and for getting u something for V day!!!! blehhhh blehh blehhhhh.. and sharing ur bday??!!! whahaa blehhh blehhh behhhhh..

hehe kie lar.. after venting all my anger, i still wish u all the best kie.. step on it boy and show her wad ur love can do.. hahaaha.. oh yeah and if u wondering how come this post is ALL abt u, its cos i did no nothing today at all!!! whahaahaaaa... so by ur request, dubtub, here u are, my post of the day =) ~enjoy!!

im beginning to hate australia..the country tt took my frens away from me.. one by one.. when i get one back, i lose another.. some went further, some get stuck there, the others came back but left their hearts there.. i hate to part with pple i love.. i hate the parting scene.. didnt i tell u tt b4?? why did u have to go??...

this post is especially dedicated to this guardian angel of mine.. who flew away to the faraway land this evening..

to u, my fren, my extraordinary fren.

to a fren who has always been there,
thru the sunshine and the rain.

to a fren who listens,
no matter wad time of the day.

to a fren who is just a phone call away,
whenever i needed someone.

to a fren who accomodates my requests ,
and ask for nothing in return.

to a fren who condones my mistakes,
and accepts me for the ordinary me.

to a fren who has never left me,
despite the 'silence' between us all these years.

to a fren who is the most selfless person i've ever met,
for his parting words were still his concerns for me.

to a fren who i've just started to cherish,
but has not enough time to do more for.

to a fren who gave me sweet childhood memories,
but had bad ones from me.

to a fren who has never forsake me.

THANK YOU~ for everything..

i dun deserve all tt u've done for me.. and u dun deserve the kinda friendship(or the lack of it) i've dumped on u. never tot tt u leaving will be so unbearable for me.. its only when u walk thru the gates tt i realized this is for real and its painful to watch u leave... esp when the look in ur eyes tells me u dun wanna go.. tho Ernest wished tt u'll leave behind ur car keys behind for me, i secretly hoped tt u'll leave urself behind.. now tt it wont come true, i hope u'll be happy to start 'afresh'.

i duno how we will change in the years to come..but no matter wad, i hope u'll always stay the same cos there's nothing bout u i wld change...

heard a line tt's constantly repeating itself inside my head

"there, i told you.. can't u see wad's happening?? now u know wad i mean???"

and thx cw tt's from u =) thx for being exactly who u are...for being the constant reminder of my rational self =)

Happy Valentine's Day

wanna say thx to this special person who never fail to brighten up my day with his mere presence, greeting and today, with the lovely bouquet of my fav pink tulips.. u actually remembered.. im touched.. very.. lost for words for a moment.. and then mixed emotions.. stared at cw and then silence followed.. both of us.. not knowing wad to say abt the flowers.. so was just a simple nod and 'okie i got it', 'job done' kinda reaction...

if a star falls whenever u brighten up my day, i wld have the whole galaxy in my hands already =)

its getting harder and harder...... to breathe..

yeah also wanna thank yaohan for his not 1 but 2 bouquets.. and the balloons, they're my fav =) its reli nice to know how someone will go the extra mile to put a smile on my face.. u did it =) not with the gifts but with ur thoughtfulness.. btw i think its kinda crazy and u're reli silly.. but i appreciate everything u've done and everything u've told me.. thx..

yeah this v day is reli quite a bad one for me

1. no big plans
2. quiz tom
3. need to rush report
4. need to rush fyp
5. presentation on fri
6. wei's mum passed away this morning...
7. wein's leaving on thurs and i just cant seem to find time to send him off...
8. edd cant be here with me

yeah bad enuff?? oh well just cant wait till the week's over..

anyway also wanna thank joyce for the candies, fai for his VERYVERY THOUGHTFUL gift (haha one day when i tihnk its time ill post a pic of ur gift.. blehhhh), vincent for his pringles?? haha and hefen for her sweet daisy and quoting her...' life's full of shit and we mostly just have to make the best of it...' thanks girl =)

just spoke to edd on the phone.. honey, wad will i do without u?? today muz be the most terrible day for me ever since the ordeal came to an end.. there i was sitting down on my unfamiliar sofa, watching 'zhen qing' (yes u got me rite.. the old HK drama which i nv fancy) with tears trickling down my emotionless face... wth??!! i mean its 'zhen qing' im watching... my god.. wonder wads wrong with me these days... so many things had happened and i din show the slightest hurt or sadness, instead im sobbing for some skillfully written script, designed to activate tear ducts...

perhaps i cld too well associate with the scene tt kinda triggered my tots direction to recollect the recent events, askin myself why are things happening the way they did.. this was when i reached out for the phone.. wanted to dial a number all so familiar but decided against it, reason being nothing i get from the other end will make me any happier..then tot of calling this other person tt ill very much like to talk to but again, i decided against it cos i know it probably will only put the person in a much worse off position.. then naturally, my fingers began to dial this no. tt ive called so many times b4.. EDDIE.. my man.. this wasn't my first choice no. to dial to be honest.. cos i still rem how he got all pissed off with wad i did a couple of days ago, and the disagreements we had over different opinions on certain issues.. and given the type of conversations we had there after, which basically has got not much content other than the usual 'watcha doing?', 'why u sound so sad?', 'nothing much', 'talk to u again'.. i reli wonder wad will turn outta this call.. but im glad i called, honey.. thx.. for repeating all those things u've said to me a hundred times b4.. i know nothing ever reli get into my thick numb skull which explains why im so stubborn.. im glad u din give up on tryin ur logics on me again =) makes me feel much better already =)

yeah a fren happened to be in the same boat as me.. ~Quelle Chance!! mais c'est ne bon pas... hmm just be strong girl and be gd.. will be over soon.. once in a while u'll get the kinda attack i just got..haha but it ain't gonna beat u girl.. u know u're stronger than this =) cheer up!!

esp for you, you, you and you.. love this song.. i'll stand by you..




to fai, my second fav sista hahaha:
tho we know tt we can't convince ourselves, we try to convince each other with the same logic we try on ourselves.. isnt it amusing?? heheh but somehow or rather when we hear it from each other, the logic just makes more sense or just seems to have more effect.. so we shld just continue yakking non-stop yeah.. and i personally will be there to pull u back to earth whenever u take off to the paradise.. never land is never to be..or maybe just not yet to be.. and u know wad, my feet are firmly rooted to the grd tho my mind sometimes drift off to the faraway land..heehee.. im proud to say im better at this than u are =) hehe

to dj dubious, aka dubby tubby:
u will know when to come to put a stop to things when things are crossing the line when u make eye contact with us and the look in our eyes tells u " ryan, quick come and get me out of this!! ". bottomline is do not ASSUME tt we are having fun just cos we are smiling or laughing. we might be doing tt cos we are trying not to make things turn ugly.. hahaha... learn it kie, tt's wad best mates are for =) we'll be there to kick ur arse if we catch u in similar circumstances..hehe this u can definitely count on us =)

when do u say enough is enough? how do u know where to draw the line? esp when wad we're talking abt has to do with care , concern, probably even love?? love for the special someone, love for a fren.. when feelings are wad we dealing with, is there a best measure? can we handle it like how we'll follow the laws of science..perhaps the law of emotional science.. who's to tell u tt u shld love a fren this way and love the ONE otherwise? and how in the first place do u tell how much love is involved in each and every action? sometimes, sincere care and concern gets misunderstood for an attempt to inflict hurt upon someone, and other times, care and concern results in hurting pple.. so when do we care and when do we not? when do we care just enough and when are we over the limit?... im not sure..

when can we care for someone and when we just can't care? who's to say who shld care for who and how do we even tell ourselves who we shld care abt and who we shldn't? feelings comes naturally.. if we even attempt to tell ourselves wad to do with our feelings, wldn't it be all so pretentious? will it still be real? can we even trust our own feelings? so is it the mind or the heart at work? is it logic or is it our true innermost self telling us wad we really wanna do?? ... im not sure .. but ill like to think tt my heart takes charge when i feel..

janet babe, thanks for sparing me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on... i have yet to come to terms with my own feelings but i guess i've already come to terms with reality, or maybe i shld say i dun have a choice.. there're things tt i can nv understand but i just have to accept.. its not easy to pretend to be cool abt things when u ain't, just have to breathe hard.. if not, harder... and no matter how u say u are u are far more a bitch than me, u are MY angel.. the angel i've never had.. and yes, nothing in the world is a clear cut right or wrong.. we just gotta stick to wad we believe in.. im still standing by my beliefs.. hope u too..

"the world needs darkness to bring out the sunshine..tt's y it needs us.. "





sometimes i get emotional
sometimes i do some stupid things
sometimes i say wad i shld just keep inside
sometimes im sad abt everything
sometimes im mad and break some things
sorry times 10 but u just got in the way
***
sometimes i feel like crying
lying down and dying
that's when i need you
laughing is always easy, but sometimes im just afraid u'll leave me
that's when i get emotional....
***
___________________________________________________________________________

if u think u are gd enough, u ain't need no reassurance from anyone and u dun give a hoot abt pple's comments.. u wun be that affected.. at least not by wad i've said which happens to be just a sincere statement.. too bad u are not wad u wish u were.. so won't u just snap outta it!!!!!!!! GET A LIFE..

i know im damn mean now but too bad u provoked me at the wrong time, a very wrong time.. and this is the very first time after so long tt i decided ill be harsh to u.. so i hope u realized tt u seriously pissed me off this time.. and dun bother telling me u dun care how the hell i feel cos i know it doesn't bother u at all.. but i just want u to KNOW. u went too far this time. period.


its been quite a rollercoaster ride i must say.. shortlived joy...confusion... fear... remorse.. GUILT.. and lastly, disappointment.. but no, there're no regrets.. its weird definitely but its gotta be smtg worthwhile.. wish i could turn back the hands of time to the very beginning and do certain things tt i sld have done..why did we not know abt it earlier?? at this junction, i must re-quote serene: "no one means all he says and very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thoughts are vicious" but how is it possible to race in the opposite direction of time?? no, its not possible so snap out of ur dream and do wats rite..

never ever have i imagine myself to be in this position. it was so easy to be rational when u are outside looking in .. but when u are in it urself, one often get so lost in the moment tt the almost impossible seems so near .. yes, i know its wrong to even think of tt but can i help it when im only human?? when im only just an ordinary girl?? in me, there exist a mountain full of self-doubts and disapprovals but the stubborn me refused to rethink my actions and given another chance, ill do the same.. its not fair to the parties involved, i know..but can i just be wilful for once?? just this once?? i know im screwed-up.. i even despised myself for my evil tots .. but...... im just no angel.. im sorry.. im no angel..

someone up there watching must be mocking at me.. wad a joke.. i laughed. get out of ur fantasy world, sweetheart, just GET OUT!! stop being so naive and stop digging a shit hole for urself to fall into.. its a bottomless pit for there's no other outcome to anticipate apart from ur heart being teared into a million pieces.. so get ur arse out b4 u have to pick up the pathetic pieces of ur heart on ur own.. dunch u ever learn from the lessons u've been thru??? and rem wad u believe in... KARMA.. wad goes ard comes ard, wenn. this is exactly wad u believe in remember???????????? ..... once, twice, thrice.. the prob is me i guess... can u just tell me wad's wrong with me?? why do i always get stuck at the dead end this way?? if this is a test of analytic abilities, endurance, and threshold of pain, God, its far past my limits, its pretty much enough for me cos tt's as much as i have in me... spare me from all these.. i dun ask for more.. i just wanna have a simple life.. be a simple girl tt i always am...

** be happy alrite??





gonna miss the look in ur eye.. And with a tear in my eye..Give me the sweetest goodbye..That i ever did recieve..


bittersweet hand..


trini and i attacking mingmong.. a rebel against his irritating acts..


he thought his 1.3mp can beat the combination of mine and trini's god-knows-how-many mp?? dream on, dude..


circle of trust


okie end of genting trip.. soooooooo tired.. esp san and zilong who spent almost 10 hours in the casino.. hahaha.. okie at least he won some money.. while edd and i just kept throwing money into the jackpot machine to pass time..hehee.. i dun believe in gambling..blehhhhh


erm.. okie this is wad i call mixed emotions .. wonder wads making san so happy tt's making zilong so upset..hehe


'i can sing like andy lau..x100' okie tt doesnt work all the time.. hee


something's gg on somewhere


trying hard not to laugh at each others' pig face =)


okie we survived the mini rollercoaster.. no kick hehehe


activities on water is still alrite for him =) bumper boat!!! fun!!


whahaaha... kinda regretted when it nstart gg higher and higher... damnit!!!..heehe.. if u wondering where's zilong, dun bother looking for him..heheehhe.. a sheep in dragon's skin =)


okie space shot killed us.. hahah