i feel...

pessimistic
stressed
anti-social
upset
hung up
remorseful
disappointed
trapped

yet above all, i feel...

-nonchalant-

i can live without it but it's always nice to have. i would like to try but i'm just not interested. i know it won't happen but i'm longing for it. i know it is a bad idea but i happily embrace it. i've already let it go but i'm still torn inside.i'm living a lie but im enjoying every moment of it.

i'm incoherent.

i'm supposed to be sleeping by now.

i worked till 9 plus today.. cant believe it.. on my 4th day of proper work, in fact, it's a learning job.. i feel so stupid cos i cant even do simple sections efficiently. maybe im just not cut out for audit.. this is so sick! even the stupid laptop is against me.. hai~ prob one gd thing is tt ryan allowed me to go back to office to get my laptop repaired b4 coming in tom. this is the best thing tt has happened to me today! i think im missing office.. i miss the slack times.. hehe..tho i can go back after lunch, i think i will rush back cos there's so much to be done and im sooooooo slowwwwww.. hai~ maybe im just plain dumb. but thank God, i have such a gd team with me =P and my personal fav=======> Ryan Tang!! thankew so so much!! maucks! and if u're not already married, u're so perfect for me!! eheheheehehehehehe.. and zhijin, im so so glad u are in this shit with me! hahaa.. we'll make it thru somehow yea =P

tom is fri but i doubt i can make it for trg. prob gg to be another OT-ing day again.. plsssss dun make me come back on sat!!! plssssss... i haven shopped for almost a week and im feeling so so so deprived. maybe i shld just go shopping tom! i dun even have time to collect pandora's cheque! if this goes on, im sure my social life will slowly but surely cease to exist.. so for pple who placed heavy bets on me getting attached within 6 mths, im gg to disappoint u guys!! haha.. anyway, when keren asked me if i was attached, she was shocked to find out tt i wasn't. and she asked 'why??'.. i cldn't find an ans for her.. then she asked when was my last rship, i said 'abt a yr ago??' she looked totally stunned. i think i had a shock myself too.. din realized tt its been so long.. when i first broke up, someone said 'isn't it gd for u? anyway u hadn't taken a break for so long..'.... yeah i guess it is gd. it made me emotionless, which means i wun be hurt, which means i will be happy! ha .. very funny.

at the end of our long work day, everyone gets a little cranky...

zj: i think u are honey- coloured...
me: huh?
zj: u know forever friends bear? tt honey-coloured one??...
jacq: yah now tt u say it, i think its true!!
me:???? okie i am honey-coloured then ... (maybe as SWEET as honey?? whahahahaha)

it's 5.40pm now and im freezing in this igloo.....the room is soooo chilly and i doubt i can go back anytime soon. everyone looks so engrossed in their work plus the manager decided to come at 5pm. this means that if he dun give the go home signal, all of us will be stuck here! and my head is spinning like hell. i think its cos of the temperature.. its giving me not only headahce but also i can sense my nose acting up on me again.. hai~ wonder wad time we'll be off.. i reli dun mind staying behind to do some work but now the prob is the air con is making it impossible for me to work!! even my typing speed slowed down cos my fingers are purple and numb! if they let me go somewhere else in the office to do work, i prob can be much more productive!! how??!!?!? even as im tping now, everyone is just doing work. no one cares wad time it is now!!! or maybe everyone is just waiting for others to start the topic.. hai~.. bless me..


with edd @ cine on my good hair day =P was playing with my new curler and it works!! =) ehehehee


BiBi darling =P

this week must be the best work week that anyone cld have asked for. everyday was friday all thanks to our malay and indian frens =PpPppPPpp it felt reli slack (and GOOD of cos =P), gg to office on alternate days and perpetually thinking of wad to do after work =P

on monday, we had our first informal PGL gathering at cafe iguana. tho it was meant for our pgl, we graciously extended the invitation to all the rest of the batch who mostly turned up heheeh so in the end, it became a chillout session to celebrate the end of our trg program and prob to mark the start of slavery.

was supposed to be there at 7 but wei and i decided to pop by suntec after work to checkout the iora sale (we received a 'Sales Alert' sms form joyce during lunch u see =PpPp..) So we went to meet joyce and took a cab down to suntec and guess wad?!!!?!? the fare from raffles mrt to suntec = $7!! whahahahah wad a joke! $7 is how much i'll have pay to get to sch from my hse!! hehe anyway, to break down the fare, its $1 for peak hr, $1 for CBD area, $2.50 for eve of ph after 6pm!!!haha well but still its pretty cheap considering we have 3 of us and wei and i were super worn out after a day of OA (basically means offce girl) for her and a rude shock for me becos i found out tt i wun be on the very much desired AT (available time = slack time in office) next week. instead, ill be put on a learning job at Diethelm Keller's with zhijin for the whole week. so being the only 2 A1s in the team, we have a mountain full of files to reserve and collect and also to seek permission to have access to them and replicate them on to our local... so end up, tho i was on AT on monday, i spent most of the time emailing the TICs and replicating the files.. this job is obviously quite a bad one cos it has like 8 other related entities which changed names here and there and quoting the manager, " ..... Diethelm Keller has improved their acct system and structure tremendously so i think this year will be a better year for us...blah blah blah.."

1) improved = last yr was HORRIBLE and this yr is slightly better hopefully
2) think = personal opinion, not verified
3) better = may still be bad but not as bad as before

the only comforting part abt this job is tt i'll have zhijin with me, not like the others who are usually the only A1 on the job =P So anyway, it means that next week, ill be at boon leat area (which i obviously have got no idea where it is!! near harbour front, according to zhijin) and wei's at sembawang industrial pk working on yeo hiap seng (think its a consol job, a toughie too...)

okie, back to cafe iguana:
in the end, wei and i reached there at ard 9 and with our complusive buying disorder, it means tt we had lots to carry (we got the girls all excited and they made plans to go the next day whahahaha).. hehe..anyway by the time we reached, most of them were already showing their true colours already =PpP e.g. geok hwee was showing off her brilliant 5-10 skills, poon hua talking a lil too loudly tho he insisted tt he was just himself and totally not affected by the alcohol hehehehe.. and of cos, xuan was REALLY herself whahahaahahahhhaah... then there was this major gossiping session among the girls.. as awful as it may sound, but GIRLS, ur name is GOSSIP! heh.. i guess guys do tt too but they prob do tt only when they're not ard us and prob do tt on a smaller scale (meaning fewer pple involved in the session hehe.. then there was a usual 'traffic light' routine where keren collected a database of eligibles for us singles to choose from!! whahahah wad nonsense is tt man! hah.. anyway,even tho it was 50% off for happy hours, meaning 5-9, our total bill came up to a freaking $1000 bucks! haha can just imagine how much they've drank be4 we came haha.. yeah all in all,we had a pretty gd time and im glad tt most pple from our batch are normal.. if u get wad i mean...hehe

----------------------------------------------------

anyway im quite proud of myself cos this week, i spent 2 of my precious ph with my nanny's family.. finally found time to go collect my bday pressie and spend some quality time hehe.. shopping with my sisters and bro.. and also found time to bring my new trinklets down to pandora.. =P oh yes, and my production kinda picked up this week hehe no longer feeling too tired make them =P

---------------------------------------------------

we actually made plans to club on wed cos wei wanted to check out the revamped zouk but we were too drained from the CBT tt we decided against it and i decided to go for movie instead. finally watched flightplan (yea i know its been showing for some time already bleahh).. oh anyway, while i was waiting for edd to come (tt slitch came only at 9pm!!) i went to take a look at my stuff at pandora and i found out abt a top secret from eliz!! (which i dun intend to make it publicly known) hehehe and someone gotta thank me for it!! hehhhehe.. and he BETTER!! =P .. so flightplan was gd i think except tt the ending wasnt fantastic.. kinda anti-climax if u ask me.. maybe she shldnt have killed the guy just like tt.. hehe but still quite a nice show to watch =) and i am sososo gg to watch Just Like Heaven!! edd thinks its a chick flick but who cares! i loveeeeee chick flicks! and im not ashamed to say tt my all time fav movie is A Walk to Remember!! hehee.. cant wait to watch harry potter too!!

----------------------------------------------------

last nite i went for avalanche trg. its the 3rd consecutive week tt ive been to trg and im surprised tt i can be motivated to go to tanah merah, after a long working day, on a friday nite! anyway i have to say tt im very very impressed by my teamies,esp yujiao.. tho most of them are older than me and are working adults (some are even flight attendants who come down for trgs after their flights), they nv fail to turn up for trgs for no valid reasons and they're consistently gd players. come to think abt it, most of them stopped playing national schools after sec or jc but they are still in tiptop condition in terms of skills and fitness. i stopped for a yr and a half after jc and i was unable to regain the skills/fitness/confidence tt i had b4 (not tt i have a lot to begin with...) in fact, i played ivp for the next 2 yrs, so i was actually more involved in competitive netball than them but somehow, im just so behind them all.. i ought to feel ashamed of myself.. and now tt there's a junior team, there's a pressure to perform, esp when im playing with the 16/17 yrs old kids.. i wish i can spend more time trg and turn up for trgs more regularly but its reli quite a challenge at this pt of my life.. and to tell the truth, the distance is really driving me nuts! im lucky tt mr tony cld pick me up from office, but i reli cant bear to take his ride home cos he stays in amk, no where near cck.. but to travel from tanah merah back to cck after a long day is no joke! i was in a deep slumber on the train last nite and i swear i looked totally unglam....i was so tired tt i think i literally dragged myself home.. of cos i cld have taken a lift from henry in town but i found it even more troublesome to go to town to look for them and of cos, i can also opt for the cab but if i cab hm every week from tanah merah, im gg to be so broke considering the amt of shopping i do and the no of cab rides tt im already taking.. furthermore, im gg on job from next week onwards, and this is when the OT-ing sets in, plus i cld end up in tuas for certain jobs.. im afraid im not disciplined enough to sustain the commitment.. the truth is there're a lot of factors tt tempt me away from trg but i also know tt ill regret not having this as part of my life... hai~ i just hope tt things can turn for the better. how? i reli duno..