Packed my room tonight.

It's something that has been at the back of my mind for the longest period of time. I need to pack and unpack... I need to throw out the unnecessaries and tidy up the rest. Been living in a superficially neat space where I see only the things I want to see while the rest are hidden deep beneath. I managed to get by, day by day, bit by bit.

Sometimes I feel I could live like I used to, hanging out with old friends, bumming ard with edd, playing netball with trini & chris, going for crazy yoga lessons, sleeping over at pang's, mj-ing all night long etc, etc... I filled my schedule to the brim so I'll be dead tired when I get home and collapse into deep slumber. Half the time, this doesn't work out well for me. I have this thing about staying awake after a late night shower... well, but at the very least I don't feel empty most part of the day.

I guess the procrastination to tidy up my room stemmed from the fear of digging up memories I've been trying to bury. I've got to get it done somehow... To my surprise, it wasn't all that tough. I packed, unpacked, packed and unpacked. I took out all the lil presents, cards and letters. Found a box to fit them all in. I felt alright, I felt like I didn't feel anymore. But as I bid wee, hot fudge and nugget one last goodbye, I sobbed out loud. There was no tears. I no longer feel the heartache... I had no idea what I was feeling. I didn't know what to feel anymore...I just sobbed and sobbed. In between my sobs, I sang along loudly to the sad love song playing on mtv...

....我需要的平静 是敢回头看曾经 那些为爱患得患失的情景 我选择忘记....

It's strange. I've always been the sentimental sort, the kind who always treasures the memories, the one who always want to stay friends... This time round, I chose to leave them all behind.

So I guess this is it. The peace I need. A brand new beginning...