I did something spectacular today... I thought it would bring me peace and tranquility but I realised I've lost the lil bit of peace that I thought I had recently. I don't understand why... and it's keeping me up.

Maybe I've never really gotten the peace I'm looking for or maybe beneath that calm sea lies a powerful surge of spiral strength. I can't tell what's really bothering me. I feel like screaming but there's no sound, feel like crying but there's no tears, feel like laughing but there's no joy...

A lot of things are running through my mind now in random order. Images of the past are flashing at turbo speed. There's a thousand questions I don't have answers for... My thoughts contradict. I don't have a way out.

I thought I'm ready, but I couldn't even speak about it... I thought I've moved on, but can't even shake off the fear in me...

I feel like running. Running against the wind, as fast as I could... I like this feeling... And I'll keep on running and running and running, faster and faster and faster. I don't know how much faster I can go... It makes me feel stronger. It makes me feel like I could get away from everything...

I need to find my inner peace... I really need it...........