tonight, i feel extremely weak....... i've no idea why.. came home from dinner and drinks with elden and joseph... maybe its becos elden told me his story.. maybe its becos joseph poked some harmless fun at me.. or maybe its just becos his birthday is ard the corner.. i've been thinking if i shld wish him on his birthday....afterall i din get to spend it w him last yr.. i cant seem to make up my mind. im afriad i think..to let him hear from me and worse, to hear from him....... its been so long i just cant seem to let go...... i want to know wads gg on in his life but at the same tme afraid to knw tt he's better off w/o me. i miss... i just miss,,,, every single part of him............. im afriad to tell i'm afraid to cry..... im just not supposed to. if pain is weakness leaving your body, i shld be very strong by now. if there's a single thing i din learn well from you it's prob this. i miss u.. i wonder if its the same for u......... its a question i prob already have the answer to.
pain is all i feel now. i need to be strong. i know i can. happy birthday. i hope u're truly happy. i wish i can cry in ur arms right now. i wish i cld turn back th hands of time. i wish u would tell me everythings gonna be fine. i wish u wld tell me ur love has nv left.