I shed a tear today.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe the trigger was a playful, harmless text.

I can't believe I'm still the same old cry baby I used to be.

I thought I'm stronger. I thought I understood the nature of the circumstance. I thought I have no expectations. I thought I could still walk away cool.

I realized that I'm consciously and sub-consciously making myself available all the time, just in case...

I suddenly feel like 'normalizing' things, doing all the crazy things I used to do to numb myself again. I shld have agreed to partying the past 3 weeks, I shld have agreed to endless rounds of mj. I shld have agreed to other dates. Even though I know my mind would be somewhere else while doing these all...

I forgot abt status quo. I think I got too comfortable. I'm sorry.